My goal is to write these “book pile” posts monthly, though I’m afraid there won’t be much changeover from month-to-month. Here’s the problem: Most of what I read is fiction, and I read through those fairly quickly (enough that most won’t be featured on my book pile posts, so if you are interested, you’ll have to follow me on Goodreads). So this is basically my pile of of non-fiction, which I read about a chapter (or less) at a time, a few times a month. It doesn’t make for quick reading.
I like to think about heaven sometimes and imagine it as a place with unlimited books and unlimited time to read them all. There are rooms and rooms full of old favorites and new ones picked especially for me. This is where I go to be alone, my heart full of worship to a God who allowed us to be so creative and thoughtful and gave us language and heartbreak and story. I curl up in the most comfortable chair, which is situated by an enormous fireplace that keeps me perfectly warm and contented. And even as I read, my mind fully engaged, my heart knows that this is a gift from God and worships Him in quiet.
And when I want to take a break from reading, not from boredom, but because I finished the most wonderful story and my mind needs time to hold it in and turn it over and process and wonder at what I’ve just read, I wander into the craft room. This room is full of unlimited supplies and I am full of unlimited talent and creativity. Here I create a masterpiece of epic proportions and skill.
“Are you hungry right now?” I asked.
“Yes, starving!” They both answered.
We were driving home from delivering a meal to friends who were sick. They were used to the drill: rushing to get in the car, clad in PJs and slippers - or in summer, no shoes at all, bellies rumbling because we won’t eat our dinner until we get home. This is just something we do every month or so.
The fact that we do this so often makes me chuckle. I always end up in a bad mood, we are always rushed, the kids whine. I do not consider myself a good cook, so serving people with meals seems out of my wheelhouse. Yet we keep doing it, and that night it became an opportunity for good conversation.
“Mom, sometimes it feels like we are the only ones in the world who love Jesus,” my daughter said, in her usual hyperbolic and dramatic way. “I mean, us, the people at my school, and the people at our church are the only ones.”
In my job, I get to teach many different age groups about Jesus. It’s pretty wonderful, actually. But it does come with a fair share of frustration. It’s one of the few places I feel completely free to share about Jesus! I guess I like to hope that when I’m sharing something I am passionate about and has been so life-changing, that I would have an appreciative and receptive audience, right?
Well, my audience are kids. So usually they are being silly, and not sitting down, and asking when snack is, and poking their friends, and taking off their shoes, and picking their nose.
It’s been over a year since my last “What’s on the Book Pile?” post, so I felt like it was time to write one again. Thankfully, when I looked at the last book pile picture that I took, there are no books that are still on there a year later. That would have been embarrassing (though not unprecedented!). My biggest accomplishment in that time, book-wise, was finishing Robert Jordan’s Wheel of Time series, an epic fantasy series consisting of 14 rather large books that represented almost a decade of my life. Read my review on the final book here (don’t worry, it’s short!).
This is a name for God that feels life-saving to me.
It is for those whose body and soul are bent over, who are trudging through the mire, with tear stained faces, who carry heavy burdens, who are world weary. Those who are dragging one foot in front of the other, not knowing to where, never looking up.
And suddenly He appears. His very presence washes away the mud that surrounds feet. He gently puts his hand under my chin. He lifts my weary head. He looks into my tear-stained eyes. And finally, finally, hope fills my heart.
He looked at me with love. He drew me out of many waters. He delighted in me. Indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.
And it all started when he lifted my head so I could keep my gaze on him.
Psalm 3:3. Psalm 18:16, 19. Psalm 16:6.
Today we decided we love Audrey’s right eyebrow even more than the other one.
But it didn’t start that way. She was playing with make-up when all of a sudden she said, “I don’t like my eyebrow because of the bald spot from the scar.” This simple statement hit me in the gut. It was the first time I had heard her look in the mirror and state something she didn’t like about herself.
“I’d like to reflect on what it might mean to be good stewards of language - what it might mean to retrieve words from the kinds of misuse, abuse, and distortion to which they’ve been subjected of late, and to reinvigorate them for use as bearers of truth and as instruments of love.” - Marilyn McEntyre, Caring for Words in a Culture of Lies
I have been following these daybook posts this Lent, written by Tamara Murphy, to help fully engage with the meaning of Lent and realize more and more my daily need for my Savior. I appreciate my friend’s thoughtfulness in putting together these posts, where she includes “Look” (some sort of visual), “Listen” (a meaningful song), “Read” (Scripture), “Pray” (some form of special prayer), and “Do” (a task for the day/week). The first four are relatively easy and quick to finish. The “Do” section actually takes more time and sacrifice (😱). But when I committed to “fully engage”, I decided that had to include the “Do” section of the posts, as well. This has brought me on a journey that I did not expect: showing me God’s mercy when confronted with my sin and overwhelming guilt, and removing my usual coping mechanisms so all I can do is turn to Jesus.
These are all posts for another day. Today, I just want to reflect on the weekly fast that we just completed, namely fasting from all emojis and any other replacements for language, like social media “likes”. At first I thought would be easy and a little bit silly, but it actually turned into a great experiment on love and language, and I would like to share a few of my reflections:
-I use social media “likes” as a form of laziness. I don’t want to comment about what I’m really thinking (“what a cute baby” or “I’ll be praying for you!”) so I just press “like” and move on. This past week, I had to be a lot more discerning. If I felt strongly enough to “like” something, I actually had to use the words! And being on the other side of posting, I know the words are actually a lot more meaningful than the number of “likes”.
-Sometimes I use emojis as a form of laziness, too. And sometimes I don’t! Sometimes I spend a few agonizing minutes trying to find just the right symbol (or series of symbols) to express exactly what I am feeling and/or doing. But how is the other person supposed to know the difference? The only way for a person to know I’ve put thought into what I am saying is to actually write out the words.
-I had to express my feelings more than I am usually comfortable with. There are a lot of people that I love, but it feels much less vulnerable to just say “❤️” than to say “I love you.” Usually that’s what I mean when I add a “❤️”, but for some reason, I feel like I’m giving over more of me when I have to say the words.
-Text conversations last a lot longer! It’s just an easy way to end a conversation when you can jot off a quick “❤️😘”. That usually means “Love ya, bye” when you get that from me. But instead, I’d have to write: “I love you, friend. Hope you have a great day. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Etc etc etc. This actually led to some very sweet exchanges, but definitely not as convenient!
-My laziness knows no bounds. By the end, I had more and more conversations like this (mostly with my husband, who knew what I was doing):
I won’t be giving up emojis again any time soon, but I do think this helped me to realize how lazy I’ve become in my language. Emojis are fun and cute (and help to indicate joking when it’s hard to express that in texts!) but I want to make more of an effort to really tell people how I feel and show them the respect that they deserve.
The photo above is an excerpt from the notes from my Bible study this past week, the words of which meant so much to me. We were studying the Parable of the Lost Sheep in Matthew 18:10-14 (which, coincidentally, is what I am basing my new children’s book on!) and discussing the great value that God puts on each one of His children.
I have spent most of my life wishing I could do something big and bold for God, feeling like I could do more, and feeling restless in my current situation, which felt too small and insignificant. But the older I get, the more I realize the great value that God puts on the life lived faithfully that may feel “small”; that this calling of mine, though it sometimes feels small and insignificant, is beautiful and valuable to Him.
We know that God’s economy is different than ours (the first shall be last, the least shall be greatest, etc.), and what He values looks very different than what the world values (and even sometimes what we Christians value). But the life lived “small” is incredibly valuable to God. In fact, in this parable, the Shepherd leaves the many - the big flock, the service to many, or what could stand for a big project or large ministry - and goes in search of the ONE.
I love the value God puts on the ONE. That means he values me, and you, and every baby, child, and adult. And even in addition to that, it means he values “the ministry of one” as my Bible study teacher said. It may feel small, but it isn’t to God. He’s calling us to be faithful, in the small and the big. And really, it usually is the small. It is clear that God can use the big - think Billy Graham - but most of us are called to live small lives, impacting the small circle of those around us. And that is beautiful, valuable, wonderful to God.
So I thank you, God, that you see this small life of mine, that you value the ONE, that you see and value me when I can only serve ONE. Thank you that you come as a whisper (1 Kings 19:12). In this world of “the bigger, the better”, that is not what you value. When you were asked who is the greatest, you called forth a child (Matt. 18:1-2). You are bigger; you are better; and that is enough for us. And I thank you for being that for me, for valuing this small, but not insignificant, life of mine, and for giving me contentment in it.
I pray that for you, too.
Warm, cozy, cool and brisk
Fireplace, candles, snuggly blankets.
Foggy mornings, freezing nights
Sunshine bright on colorful trees.
Orange, yellow, brown, dry
Crackle, crisp, colorful pile.
Boots, sweaters, vest and gloves
Hats and mittens crocheted with love.
Scarecrows, hay bales, tall corn maze
Smoky scent lingering in air
Pumpkins, gourds, apples, spices
Pie and cider, Thanksgiving feast
Ravens, cats, spooky ghosts
Costumes, Candy, candy corn
Anticipation, the One True Story
Merry, peace, joy, and love.
Yesterday I had an epiphany. I came home from dropping my kids at school and all I wanted to do was sit and read. I talked myself out of it because I just had too much to do around the house and reading is only for extra free time.*
What?
What is this “extra free time”? Does anyone ever have some extra? There’s always more stuff to do! Is it so wrong that I want to make reading a priority during the day? Absolutely not! Maybe other people have already realized that, but it was a rather freeing moment for me.
So I thought I’d post these Book Pile pictures occasionally to see how much the piles change with my new-found reading time.
1. Everything that Rises Mus Converge by Flannery O’Connor
2. Six Ways to Keep the “Little” in Your Girl by Dannah Gresh
3. The Merry Little Christmas Project and Planner by Kaley Ehret
4. Heir of Fire by Sarah J. Maas
5. The Gathering Storm by Robert Jordan and Brandon Sanderson
Please keep in mind that by listing these here, I am not necessarily recommending them! For my ratings and the occasional review, make sure to follow me on Goodreads.
*By the way, instead of reading, I turned on the TV. You’d think they were equal trade-offs, with TV being the less desireable (intellectual) choice, but any multi-tasker knows TV is better than reading for “getting things done”.
This is a paper I wrote in college, when I was more interested in politics. I was reading it today to help me remember September 11 - not that I need much help remembering that day - and the aftermath at the site and in our country. It is not very emotional because the premise is that “Politics is everywhere”. But it did help me to remember in a way I haven’t since those first few years.
And ironically, I got a B+ on the paper with the comment “too dramatic”. A criticism of my writing that I will take any day.
The story of American Ground by William Langewiesche is an account of the events following the World Trade Towers collapse at the actual site. But on another level, it is the story of the American nation at its birth. It is new territory, new land. People from different backgrounds and beliefs came and worked. Soon, it became self-governing, an organized political process where the people could work together in order accomplish their goals. It began with pure intentions, but soon, as in every self-interested society, there was conflict. People had their own ideas of what should be done, and formed groups that drew lines of dissent.
Ground Zero was this new land, “a blank slate for the United States. Among the ruins now, an unscripted experiment in American life had gotten under way.” There was no authority or formal process. There was not even any understanding of what had really happened, or what had to be done. There was just a vague knowledge that nothing like this had happened before, and that “the problems that had to be solved were largely unprecedented.” People from all different backgrounds began to run to the site, wanting only to be of use. “The reaction… cut across the city’s class lines as New Yorkers of all backgrounds tried to respond.”People did whatever they thought would help - bucket brigades, digging, and putting out fires - but “for a few days the site was out of control.” With no structure, the site was anarchy and nothing of note was accomplished. Soon, however, “a crude management structure was agreed upon, and most of the volunteers were eased out to the ruins’ periphery, to be replaced at the core by a professional labor force….” Politics had entered the scene and provided a way to work towards a common goal. A hierarchy emerged, and with that, a plan for which the workers could undertake. People even began to use the language of politics, referring to the site as a “kingdom” or to a leader as a “czar.” Lines of disagreement soon came into view, and interest groups began to lobby for their own desires. And finally, a certain sense of ownership, almost pride toward the site, became the norm, similar to a feeling one might have towards their country.
In the early days of the deconstruction efforts, anarchy reigned like the night. No one knew what was going on, how great the damages were, or even if they were making any difference. But soon, however, several individuals surfaced like rays of light, claiming authority where there was none, and beginning the political process. “Leading the effort was the unlikely duo of Kenneth Holden and his lieutenant, Michael Burton – the two Department of Design and Construction officials who had emerged from bureaucratic obscurity… to orchestrate an effective response to the disaster.” These two assumed authority, although they were never given it formally. As the author points out, “Burton had not the slightest authority here at the Trade Center site, but he was willing to assume it anyway.” He and Holden rose to the occasion and brought with them a plan for getting the job done. Other men, too, rose to the authority that they were never formally given. Sam Melisi, a fireman, had an “authority [that] translated into the power to make suggestions that others were willing to follow.” With his authority, as with Holden’s and Burton’s, came power that others listened to.
People at the site soon began to use words that are frequently associated with politics. There was no escaping the political framework within which they worked and political words were what they had to use to describe it. Some referred to Mike Burton as the “Trade Center Czar”, illustrating his power and authoritative manner. The author describes the Port Authority as more of an “empire” than an organization, because of its vast territory around the city. Giuliani was angrily referred to as a “fascist”by the firemen’s union because they saw him as trying to lead an authoritarian government and not taking their views into consideration. The author even notes the political nature of the site, especially when he says to Burton: “It’s your kingdom, Mike. It’s your empire.” And even the pile itself became political, “the pile was the enemy, the objective, the obsession, the hard-won ground…” as if the workers were at war with it, or on it, or were fighting for it.
In any political organization, there will always be people who have different interests. At Ground Zero, the deconstruction began to cause conflicts among these different groups. Timing was an issue, and every group wanted their say. The firemen, who seemed to be the most vocal interest group, began to demonstrate publicly in order to make their views known. The policemen were another interest group, having “tribal allegiances” as well and having “had lost twenty-three colleagues in the Trade Center collapse.”The Mayor’s Office was another interest group and Giuliani decided that “access would be restricted, new procedures would be imposed at the pile, and the number of searchers would be reduced by two-thirds.” This did not sit well with the firemen, who did not want to have their numbers reduced, and wanted to be able to search for those they had lost as slowly as they needed. Conflict arose between these interests and decisions had to be made as to how to keep them all content. Another interest group was comprised of the widows of the men who had died in the collapse. Like all the other groups, it was not representative of “the thousands of others who had lost family on September 11…” but these women had their own idea of what should be done. This conflict soon came to a head and those in charge realized that they would have to start running the operation in accordance with the views of others, not just their own.
The pile soon became a home away from home for those that worked on it. They were there day and night causing a deep sense of ownership, almost pride in what was being done there. Several of the interest groups began to feel a “jealous sense of ownership… that ‘this is our disaster more than yours.’” They felt that this pile that they were working on was their land. In a strange way, this feeling was similar to what the rest of the country was feeling – this is our land, and we will not have others destroying it. The patriotism at the pile was a feeling of pride in their land.
Politics is everywhere. It is an instrument, a tool, for progress. It provides a process and the authority to accomplish a goal. The story of the deconstruction of the World Trade Center Towers gives a picture, a visible symbol, of the effectiveness and ubiquitousness of politics. This abstract idea manifests itself in the work that is done there, through the hierarchy and structure that emerges, the language that is used, the various groups that lobby for their own interests, and even the patriotism and sense of ownership that is shown to the site. Without politics, the job would not have gotten done and the scramble of anarchy would continue to complicate matters. Politics is necessary, whether at a site of deconstruction or in the birth of a new country.
I have officially moved from being a mom-of-young-kids to a mom-with-kids-in-school. This has brought out many feelings, as anyone who has made the transition will know. I have already written (but not yet posted) a super sappy and melodramatic post on the sad end of these feelings. But today, my first day of being at home with no kids, I want to write something happy.
And what makes me happy?
Lists!
And what’s the best kind of list?
A LIST of THINGS that make me HAPPY.
Or more specifically: A list of all the fun stuff I can do in my free time that I could not do with kids around.
Reading on the deck
Reading in my bed
Reading at any location!
Writing on the deck (this is so meta because that’s actually what I’m doing right now, see pic for proof)
Watching non-animated TV
Sitting quietly and just thinking
Taking a long bath (this is hypothetical because our tiny tubs are not comfortable!)
Listening to LOUD music and singing my heart out (sometimes I do this with kids around and they tell me to be quiet)
Practicing the piano
Longer, uninterrupted prayer times
Exercising (OK, I don’t really WANT to do this, but I’ve used the excuse of kids for so long that now I feel like I HAVE to)(or come up with a new excuse, the stifling heat maybe?)
I think I will make this an ongoing list. So when I find new and amazing things I can do without kids in tow, I will add to it. Like GROCERY SHOPPING and GOING TO THE CHIROPRACTOR!! Yay!
My summer fun list is nothing new or extraordinary. It’s not too adventurous and won’t keep us too busy. We just like to spend a few minutes brainstorming a few things we’d really like to do (trips, a few places to visit) and then scatter those in with some other lazy summer activities! You’ll notice most of these are pretty low-key, with a few places to visit that are not huge tourist attractions (we don’t like crowds!).
1. Hiking
3. Model rocket
4. Overnight @ Mimi’s
5. Date Night
6. Dinner at the Beach
7. Beach days
8. Pool days
9. Backyard pool
10. BBQs
11. Road trips
12. VBS
13. Unplugged day
14. Random acts of kindness
15. Make popsicles
16. Wash car
17. Zoo
18. Sidewalk chalk
19. Build a fort
20. Fire pit/s’mores
21. Fireworks
22. Bike rides
23. Glow bubbles
24. Fly a kite
25. Grace Farms
26. Farmer’s Market
27. Plant a garden
28. Lemonade stand
29. Catch fireflies
30. Go to a carnival
31. Birthday party for Hugo (our dog)
32. Botanical gardens
33. Brooklyn Bridge park
What’s missing from this list? After viewing this list for the first time, a friend said, “Why isn’t making lists on the list?” I think that’s an excellent point, because as we all know... lists are fun!!
Last night I had a not-too-unusual experience that perfectly encapsulates what a friend has recently called “the weirdness of motherhood”. I had never thought about how weird motherhood was until I heard that phrase and since then I’ve been recognizing it in everything!
At around 4am my son came to me crying about a spider in his bed. Agreeing with him that yes, that is indeed terrifying, but reassuring him that it was a dream, I encouraged him to go back to bed. (Actually it was more like “huh? Dream! Bed!”) But instead, he climbed into bed with us, and I was too tired to argue.
What happened next is a perfect example of the weirdness of motherhood. Let me paint you a picture.
Not shown in this little cartoon is that at one point, I was actually missing my daughter and wishing she would join us in the bed! And literally the next second - almost simultaneously even! - I was wishing my son was back in his bed and I could go to sleep. It’s like wanting to be thin and wanting to eat an entire tray of brownies at the same time! (Another oxymoron in my life.)
Whatever stage of motherhood we are in, we want them gone and we want them back. We want snuggles and we want our own space. We want to hold them forever, but we are training them to leave. So I suppose in the end, we have to concentrate on the good stuff and roll with the bad. I’m thankful that my son kept me up last night and I could capture a beautiful sleeping boy picture. But I’m also thankful he doesn’t do that most nights. I guess that’s the key: being thankful whatever the circumstances.
1 Thessalonians 5:18
This playlist is not original to me. It is an Apple curated playlist that they made specifically for me based on my preferences. They do a new one every Tuesday and they are hit-or-miss (usually more miss than hit). But I particularly enjoyed this week’s! So if you are also a fan of mostly female pop artists, with some Disney and show tunes mixed in, this list might just be for you. iTunes Spotify
It’s been a while since I’ve published any fun lists, so today it’s all about TV! I looked for some questions that were more than just “favorite this or that” and it’s was so fun, I may have to do a sequel sometime. And since I love TV so much, I’d love to hear your answers in the comments or in your own blog post!
What was the first TV show you remember loving?
I Love Lucy. I knew every episode by heart; have Lucy dolls, trading cards, and books. And if you’re curious, my favorite episode was a little known one: the one where Lucy dances with Van Johnson and does it perfectly!
2. What was the last TV show you watched every episode of?
Psych
3. What was the last TV show you watched entirely online?
Uhmmm all of them?
4. What was the last TV show you gave up on before it ended?
Battlestar Galactica. (I’m gonna get some judgement here...)
5. What's the one TV show you can always watch reruns of, no matter how many times you've seen them?
Parks and Recreation, The Office, Frasier
6. Who is your favorite late-night host, past or present?
Jimmy Fallon.
7. What is your all-time favorite cartoon or animated series?
Curious George, I guess? I don’t really watch adult cartoons so this is my favorite kid cartoon (non-movie).
8. What is your all-time favorite reality show?
Dancing with the Stars.
9. What is your biggest guilty pleasure show?
I’ve watched every episode of Desperate Housewives. A few times over. I figure this counts as my biggest guilty pleasure, because I’m embarrassed to admit it!
10. Who is your all-time favorite TV character?
Leslie Knope!
11. What TV character can you most relate to?
Katie on American Housewife, although I want to be like Leslie Knope: she can do anything!
12. What TV apartment/house would you choose to live in if money/location/logic made no difference?
I can’t think of any because most are apartments in the city. Are there any that are big beach houses or castles in the middle of nowhere?
13. Who is your all-time biggest TV crush?
Jim ❤️
14. What is your all-time favorite TV theme song or opening sequence?
Friends
15. What is your all-time favorite comedy? (Limit yourself to 3 if you must)
Arrested Developement, Community, Parks and Recreation
16. What is your all-time favorite drama? (Limit yourself to 3 if you must)
Doctor Who, Stranger Things, Broadchurch, oh my goodness the list could go on full of British crime dramas!
(And since you don’t ask, my favorite “dramedy” was Ugly Betty)
17. What are your top three "TV blind spots"—the famous/seminal shows you’ve never seen?
Breaking Bad, Game of Thrones (although I did watch season 1), any of these type shows that are just too intense/dark for me!
18. What TV show do you insist everyone you know should watch?
Arrested Development
19. What show cancellation broke your heart?
Arrested Development
20. What TV moment makes you cry every time?
When Andy says, “I wish there was a way to know you’re in the good old days before you’ve actually left them.” (The Office)
Be still, and know that I am God.
psalm 46:10
