It’s been over a year since my last “What’s on the Book Pile?” post, so I felt like it was time to write one again. Thankfully, when I looked at the last book pile picture that I took, there are no books that are still on there a year later. That would have been embarrassing (though not unprecedented!). My biggest accomplishment in that time, book-wise, was finishing Robert Jordan’s Wheel of Time series, an epic fantasy series consisting of 14 rather large books that represented almost a decade of my life. Read my review on the final book here (don’t worry, it’s short!).
Lifter of my Head
This is a name for God that feels life-saving to me.
It is for those whose body and soul are bent over, who are trudging through the mire, with tear stained faces, who carry heavy burdens, who are world weary. Those who are dragging one foot in front of the other, not knowing to where, never looking up.
And suddenly He appears. His very presence washes away the mud that surrounds feet. He gently puts his hand under my chin. He lifts my weary head. He looks into my tear-stained eyes. And finally, finally, hope fills my heart.
He looked at me with love. He drew me out of many waters. He delighted in me. Indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.
And it all started when he lifted my head so I could keep my gaze on him.
Psalm 3:3. Psalm 18:16, 19. Psalm 16:6.
Scars
Today we decided we love Audrey’s right eyebrow even more than the other one.
But it didn’t start that way. She was playing with make-up when all of a sudden she said, “I don’t like my eyebrow because of the bald spot from the scar.” This simple statement hit me in the gut. It was the first time I had heard her look in the mirror and state something she didn’t like about herself.
Reflections on my Week without Emojis
“I’d like to reflect on what it might mean to be good stewards of language - what it might mean to retrieve words from the kinds of misuse, abuse, and distortion to which they’ve been subjected of late, and to reinvigorate them for use as bearers of truth and as instruments of love.” - Marilyn McEntyre, Caring for Words in a Culture of Lies
I have been following these daybook posts this Lent, written by Tamara Murphy, to help fully engage with the meaning of Lent and realize more and more my daily need for my Savior. I appreciate my friend’s thoughtfulness in putting together these posts, where she includes “Look” (some sort of visual), “Listen” (a meaningful song), “Read” (Scripture), “Pray” (some form of special prayer), and “Do” (a task for the day/week). The first four are relatively easy and quick to finish. The “Do” section actually takes more time and sacrifice (😱). But when I committed to “fully engage”, I decided that had to include the “Do” section of the posts, as well. This has brought me on a journey that I did not expect: showing me God’s mercy when confronted with my sin and overwhelming guilt, and removing my usual coping mechanisms so all I can do is turn to Jesus.
These are all posts for another day. Today, I just want to reflect on the weekly fast that we just completed, namely fasting from all emojis and any other replacements for language, like social media “likes”. At first I thought would be easy and a little bit silly, but it actually turned into a great experiment on love and language, and I would like to share a few of my reflections:
-I use social media “likes” as a form of laziness. I don’t want to comment about what I’m really thinking (“what a cute baby” or “I’ll be praying for you!”) so I just press “like” and move on. This past week, I had to be a lot more discerning. If I felt strongly enough to “like” something, I actually had to use the words! And being on the other side of posting, I know the words are actually a lot more meaningful than the number of “likes”.
-Sometimes I use emojis as a form of laziness, too. And sometimes I don’t! Sometimes I spend a few agonizing minutes trying to find just the right symbol (or series of symbols) to express exactly what I am feeling and/or doing. But how is the other person supposed to know the difference? The only way for a person to know I’ve put thought into what I am saying is to actually write out the words.
-I had to express my feelings more than I am usually comfortable with. There are a lot of people that I love, but it feels much less vulnerable to just say “❤️” than to say “I love you.” Usually that’s what I mean when I add a “❤️”, but for some reason, I feel like I’m giving over more of me when I have to say the words.
-Text conversations last a lot longer! It’s just an easy way to end a conversation when you can jot off a quick “❤️😘”. That usually means “Love ya, bye” when you get that from me. But instead, I’d have to write: “I love you, friend. Hope you have a great day. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Etc etc etc. This actually led to some very sweet exchanges, but definitely not as convenient!
-My laziness knows no bounds. By the end, I had more and more conversations like this (mostly with my husband, who knew what I was doing):
I won’t be giving up emojis again any time soon, but I do think this helped me to realize how lazy I’ve become in my language. Emojis are fun and cute (and help to indicate joking when it’s hard to express that in texts!) but I want to make more of an effort to really tell people how I feel and show them the respect that they deserve.
The Value of One
The photo above is an excerpt from the notes from my Bible study this past week, the words of which meant so much to me. We were studying the Parable of the Lost Sheep in Matthew 18:10-14 (which, coincidentally, is what I am basing my new children’s book on!) and discussing the great value that God puts on each one of His children.
I have spent most of my life wishing I could do something big and bold for God, feeling like I could do more, and feeling restless in my current situation, which felt too small and insignificant. But the older I get, the more I realize the great value that God puts on the life lived faithfully that may feel “small”; that this calling of mine, though it sometimes feels small and insignificant, is beautiful and valuable to Him.
We know that God’s economy is different than ours (the first shall be last, the least shall be greatest, etc.), and what He values looks very different than what the world values (and even sometimes what we Christians value). But the life lived “small” is incredibly valuable to God. In fact, in this parable, the Shepherd leaves the many - the big flock, the service to many, or what could stand for a big project or large ministry - and goes in search of the ONE.
I love the value God puts on the ONE. That means he values me, and you, and every baby, child, and adult. And even in addition to that, it means he values “the ministry of one” as my Bible study teacher said. It may feel small, but it isn’t to God. He’s calling us to be faithful, in the small and the big. And really, it usually is the small. It is clear that God can use the big - think Billy Graham - but most of us are called to live small lives, impacting the small circle of those around us. And that is beautiful, valuable, wonderful to God.
So I thank you, God, that you see this small life of mine, that you value the ONE, that you see and value me when I can only serve ONE. Thank you that you come as a whisper (1 Kings 19:12). In this world of “the bigger, the better”, that is not what you value. When you were asked who is the greatest, you called forth a child (Matt. 18:1-2). You are bigger; you are better; and that is enough for us. And I thank you for being that for me, for valuing this small, but not insignificant, life of mine, and for giving me contentment in it.
I pray that for you, too.